remember this moment...
Remember this moment.
Remember this moment with the wind in your hair, driving down Washington Boulevard in a city you have lived in for almost 20 years.
Remember the moment you pulled in to Los Angeles all those years ago with your first cousin after the most solidifying relationship building road trip cross country at arguably too young an age.
Remember how scared you were going 70 miles an hour in legitimate traffic and cutting through the pink haze sunset on the 10 west through Rosemead.
Remember that moment too. And this, this moment after a delicious night's sleep in your giant king bed in your new fancy sheets in your new fancy home. After a nutritious breakfast with your best friend and business partner planning for all the amazing things to come. This moment on your way to pick up a new friend, in the scheme of things, realizing that driving to her house has become familiar and that must mean it's love. Mutual girlfriend love. The kind of girlfriend love that moves deeply into your heart. Remember the music pulsing in your veins and the smile that rests gently on your relaxed face.
Remember this on Monday when you decide the world is against you and that everything is caving in and that you are quite obviously the most awful disgusting selfish beast of a human to ever walk the earth.
Remember this on Tuesday when you categorically choose to feed the other beast. The beast that convinces you how worthless you really are, the beast of comparison and better than or worse than. The beast of shoulds and I told yous and do it my ways. The beast of I know better than and I should have known better thans and if only they would listen and do what I say because obviously I know everything. The beast of why am I never going to get it right or feel like I belong and obviously I know nothings.
Remember this moment Wednesday when you forgot what freedom feels like because you quite accidentally fell into a human pattern of victimhood or over responsibility or addiction to something. Because let's face it we are all addicted to something, Facebook, work, alcohol, game of thrones, fear, blame, you name it we have found a way to escape from our feelings come hell or high water.
Remember this Thursday when it feels hopeless and overwhelming. When you're sure your house is too big and the fact that there's no man or baby in it yet must of course be a reflection of how unlovable you really are. Despite the fact that you are in touch with people you have known and loved since you were five, obviously they stuck around for some other reason than loving you.
Remember Friday when you wake up and read about another fucking mass shooting that you can choose how to hold it inside. No matter what it's horrific but you can choose to find the beauty in any horror. That's your choice.
Remember on Friday and Saturday and Sunday how choices are yours to make, always. Remember that yes every feeling you have is important to have and that what they say is true, the only way out is through but none of that, none of it is actually you. Remember that above all else please. Remember that who you are is not ANY of those things and that those things are absolute illusion.
Remember that you jogged today and did sit ups and push ups and squats. Remember that you know how to take care of yourself in the face of illusion, you know how to choose out, to choose love. Remember that you are going to see a comedy show tonight with your close friends and you are going to laugh so so hard and be inspired by a courageous mans talent, by his mastery and ability to show up.
Remember that you are going to wake up and see your cousin, your sister, your best friend and soak in the sun and the love and the beauty of connection that defies time and space that defies even our physical bodies. Remember that THIS is what's important. Remember how big your heart feels and then think of going to celebrate life with 200 people who have faced their barriers and blown through them to create.
Then remember creation. Always remember creation and remember that in this moment right now that expanding heart is all you actually need to remember. The only thing ever that you need to remember is that. Is that who you are. That love that openness that joy that wind in your hair, the color of the green light turning to yellow, that man on the street singing to his deepest pleasure despite the fact he has no home, the color of the green Ivy draping over the 405 overpass, the girlfriend who hops into your car and says let's go, the road as you peel away into what's going to be a long and lovely night, it's all you. That's you. The real you.
Remember this moment because you are truly aware that you are love. And that's the greatest moment there is. And it is yours for the taking over and over and over......