for me, for you, for love...
Your heart is beating in your chest at this very moment. Sitting in a chair, in a room, filled with hundreds of people. It’s keeping you alive, keeping you breathing, for you, for me, for love.
My heart is beating in my chest at this very moment. Sitting in a chair, in a room, filled with hundreds of people. It’s keeping me alive, keeping me breathing, for me, for you, for love.
And there are rooms all over the world where millions of people sit in all sorts of chairs beating blood through their hearts at this very moment, for them, for each other, for love.
And they, and we, and I buy into the illusion of alone, the illusion of separation, the illusion of unworthiness. We buy into the illusion that any of this exists outside of ourselves over and over again. and so much more than I want to. And maybe you buy into it too, you probably do, most of us do. but maybe you don’t, maybe, maybe, maybe…..
I have been waiting, waiting, waiting for you for so long. Whoever and wherever you are. And there are moments, months, years that I am convinced it’s you, certain it’s you, beyond a shadow of a doubt, it’s you. All the signs tell me so, my angel cards tell me so, my pendulum tells me so, my insides tell me so and my body heat, my head, my heart, when i'm near you they tell me so, it’s you.
And then, all at once I’m not so sure, because you’re gone. you are not here. Or are you? And the better question, the more relevant one truly is, am i?
Am I here, allowing my love to beat through my heart? not for you but for me? For me? For me?
And then I realize, i’ve had it wrong this whole time. This whole time, for so long, my heart has been beating for you, or you, or you. It has been beating for all the you's I have ever welcomed into the category of being a you... and the breath’s i have been holding, I have been holding waiting for you, or you, or you... when I have been here all along. I have been here the whole damn time, waiting, waiting, waiting for me.
So, here I am. And I will touch myself, and I will feel myself, and I will caress myself. I will shower myself with compliments and affection. I will allow myself to know the love that i am. i will bathe all those many parts of myself i have hated, those parts I have separated from…
My strong amazing able arms that I have deemed for some reason disgusting; my lovely soft and welcoming belly that I have judged unlovable; my ample curved inviting hips i have decided are the sole reason why you have not shown up for me, for you, for love.
I will bathe these parts long forgotten that mistakenly placed their worth in your eyes, in your hands, in your sex. I will bathe these parts in unconditional unwavering love, over and over and over again until they know that they themselves are this unconditional, unwavering love. Until I know that I am.
And I will share with them and assure them as gently as I can that is it not you who they have been waiting for, who we have been waiting for. I will share with them that though we will be most happy to welcome you, you are not who we have been waiting for.
It’s me. We have been waiting so very patiently for me.
It’s actually not about you at all and it never was. it's about me. me opening up to myself. me unfolding for my own joy, like a flower taking it’s sweet fragrant time to bloom. and I will slowly, delicately and deliciously unfold in self-examination.
I will wait no longer to cherish every petal, every thorn, every leaf or perceived blemish on the rose that is my life. on the rose that is my feminine. on the rose that is me. And I will wait no longer to cherish myself as wholly lovable and beautiful and inherently.
I release you from being the one to make this happen, I release you from doing anything other than growing into your own knowing of yourself wholly as love, as beauty, as worth. in your own time, for your own joy.
i release alone and loneliness. I sacrifice the illusion of separation and I welcome myself into the sweet tender embrace of my own heart.
And believe me I will welcome you too, when we are both ready. When we are both ready I will gladly and with all the delight in the world welcome you into the sweet tender embrace of my own heart.
My own heart which beats in my chest in this very moment. Sitting in a chair, in a room, filled with one ordinary miracle that is me. keeping me alive, keeping me breathing for you, for me, for love.